It's been an interesting day. I've felt, weird, emotionally. I thought about telling Friend B that even though he pisses me off and I act like a jackass, I'm thankful for him being my friend. Of course, I didn't want him to get the idea that I am wishy-washy and begging for forgiveness, even though only the former is true and I haven't done anything that would need forgiving in the first place. As of a few minutes ago, I'm glad I didn't.
He published a note on Facebook about all the people he's thankful for. He even mentioned a group of friends from the town I'm in. Nothing about me. Not a blurb, not even a quick thought. Is it foolish to think he's not thankful for me? It's a little easier, though his words, or lack thereof, kinda cut deep. It hurts me probably more than he even cares to imagine right now. I wish he would understand just how much of what he does actually pains me sometimes. Onto the second point...
I think I'm far too emotional and it's about time to put a tether on that. I'm almost 20; s
houldn't I have some of my emotions in check at least? I need to grow up and stop letting things hurt me. I need to quit being the emotional victim and quit letting people hurt me. Each time I find myself hurt by someone, it's by some sort of passive interaction; it's never been anything they deliberately thought out, to my knowledge anyway. I've always been so afraid of what my life would be like if I held back and actually did put mental force into controlling my emotions. I've been scared of what that kind of walling would do to me. I'm still scared...Love in the Mist for the delicacy of my heart, even though I try it, and for the perplexity of my emotions, something I couldn't hide if I tried.
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