Wonderland

Inagural post...

This is sort of a continuation on a post I made a couple of months ago on LiveJournal.

I know what I want in a man, but I find myself settling for so much less than the image I picture or deserve. Is this a result of high standards or a biting sense of realization that no man is going to measure, which is in essence high standards... It's just so frustrating!

I'm a chronic sufferer of nice guy syndrome: I'm that one you go to for help but when it comes to anything beyond a friendship, I am suddenly invisible. I am also somehow off the radar of any guy I see, unless I just don't notice these things. I know this is an age old argument, especially coming from my perspective, but some days I just get tired of it. I get along fine; I make myself happy, I know I'm attractive, and I dress damn well. But some nights... I just come into my room and it's so lonely and empty and dark and this is too old. If sleeping with people could make me happy, I'd do it. But I've told myself time and time again that to settle for less than what I know I want and deserve is not being fair to myself or whoever I'm with.

Today, it just became too much for me. I'll elaborate later.

I still want a lot of things.

The flower is the Primrose - symbol of sadness.