When people have bad days, inevitable responses are 'Sorry' and 'Try to think positive.' The first kinda gets at the idea I'm about to introduce, in that it acknowledge the fact that one's day is shitty. The second, also does, but in a roundabout way. Yes, thinking positive in the midst of negativity can be helpful, but it misses an important preceding step: validation.
While we may think that trying to get someone to think or act positively is the first step and is validating, this is not always the case. Validating someone's experience means acknowledging, like the aforementioned 'Sorry', what they're going through but also taking the time to understand that, often, someone's emotional state is either a natural response or his/her natural response to some event. We must accept that sadness or negativity, and all that those concepts encompass, are natural feelings. However, we fall short in trying to help people cope because we instantly want to help them get rid of those feelings sans validation.
Thus, we arrive at the crux of my argument today: Validation is an important step in each of our emotional lives and is necessary for healing. To get to a point of healing, what we have to do is accept how we are feeling in the moment, whether it is rational or not. This does not mean acting on those feelings, but being able to sit with them in the present and accept their place in our lives. Can true healing occur without acceptance of pain? From my standpoint, it cannot. Healing without acceptance is only a momentary band-aid; it does not give us the resources to be able to cope with future occurrences of pain, nor does it help us build a personal reservoir of (positive) coping behaviors.
So, though my morning was not something I wanted, it was important for me to accept it for what it was then begin to move forward. Switching perspectives does not always mean the negative feelings are dealt with. We are so very quick to run away from our pain. But, as Kahlil Gibran so wisely says, "And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy. And you would accept the seasons of your heart even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields. And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief."
So, the key lesson is: take time to validate yourself (relying on others for validation is a rather shaky endeavor) when you're feeling blue. Accept, acknowledge and sit with your sadness. No, it isn't easy, and, no, it's not instant, but it helps you develop much more resilience in handling unwanted and negative emotions. I'm working on it every day. Sometimes, the sadness persists into the next sunrise, and this is okay. My pain is nothing to be afraid of, for "It is the breaking of the shell that encloses [my] understanding."
Just think: How wonderful would it be if we had the strength and courage to face our own pain? How much more uplifting would it be once, after walking hand in hand with Pain, a particular journey with it had ended, and we were able to walk hand in hand with Joy, even if for a moment?
