I am host to many random ideas and thoughts, and here's a list of some interesting ones from today:
If you were to travel back in time and take Jesus' place on the cross, what would your last words be?
If you died what would you wish for all of your friends?
For the first, I'm definitely voting "Autobots, transform and roll out!" and "I have the power!!!".
And for the second... Dunno, long list. I'd want G to dance for me everytime she heard "Don't Stop the Music", B to know that I felt like a major bitch for what went down in DC and I could've acted mature, my cousin to finally find someone he loves, for D to make a comic and publish with a major company, my baby sisters to read Catcher in the Rye when they could finally understand it, my brother to have a good life for himself, my little sister to grow up and become the beautiful woman I know she will be, my mother to be truly happy for eternity, and for Z... Well, I'd wish for him to find someone that will make him happier than I hope I make him (and will continue to make him, hopefully)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Stigma
I am a gay black man. By now, you probably know this. Being black, I have my own issues to deal with. There is very little overt racism, but we deal with some forms of subconscious racism, though it is both hard to find concrete examples of that type of racism AND hard to sometimes realize that we live in a new day and age and must move beyond it (I will avoid the issues of affirmative action for another day).
As a GAY black man, though, I face another slew of issues. For so long, homosexuality has had a stigma attached to it, and this seems to be especially strong in the black community. Black culture seems to be surrounded by the church and by music these days. The church part teaches the shame and sin of being gay, and music shows its black male performers as hypermasculine, and anything less is treated with disappointment, anger, etc. You can see some of the trouble that black gay men face in the so-called "Down Low" culture, where black men choose to hide their sexuality from the rest of the world, sometimes even the women that they are with, but have sex with men on the "low."
I find it hard to explain to my father the exact pressures I feel in being gay and black, especially after he mentions the fact that his only son won't carry on the family genes. Men are taught now not to compromise masculinity for emotion. It's no big deal when women cry, but when men cry it somehow just must be a big deal. That coupled with the fact that gay men are often portrayed as overly feminine and added to what I could consider an internal dilemma for some black gay men makes for a toxic combination.
There are some gay men that I don't always like, approve of, etc. I have never found it attractive to be called girl, to wear makeup (except on Halloween, I'll admit), carry purses, wear heels, pearls, extravagant jewelry (funny that gay straight men do this, too...) and part of that comes from the stigma of being seen as that super gay man. I don't like being seen as a stereotype, though I know that's how some people look at me. So, to see gay black men doing the same, I about keel over in frustration. I'm proud to be a boy, though I have feminine tendencies, so I take offense that some boys would rather act like girls. I shouldn't; I should stop being so judgmental, but it takes a lot to get over that anger because I don't want my family to think I'M going to be like that because I'm gay. It's hard to describe without stepping on toes, but right now I'm not worried about that.
I read an article, or perused it because the author pissed me off, about MIAKA - Men Interested in Alpha Kappa Alpha. I was like HELL TO THE FUCKING NAW! I'm serious! It made me so mad. I felt like those men should worry about being men and not trying to emulate a sorority. The author was in the same boat, but the way she talked about those gay men and how we don't have proper role models and how our single mothers brought us up as feminine (I especially took offense here because my mother worked damn hard to raise three kids, thank you). I saw one part of her argument, but she treated her gay black brothers like heathens. No, I don't always approve of what black, gay, or black AND gay men do. But at the end of the day, we are kindred in those respects. I'm going to be pissed at some things, but I'm not going to stop them from doing a damn thing. One lesson I had to learn was that no matter what, you can't change others and you can't force them to do anything that won't make them happy.
When I see a black man with pearls, it makes me want to scream, but who am I to judge? I'm sure plenty of southern folk would rather not see a young black man working in Bath and Body works, but I love that job. I'd rather not see other gay black men in make up, wearing pink and green and pearls; I'd rather not see black men wearing chains and pants that hang off their ass, speaking in a mockery of standard English; I'd rather not see other gay men flailing about, talking loud. Yet, I'm also sure a lot of people would rather not see me do some of the things I do.
I want this stigma gone, but it will take so much time, and that hurts. I want to feel like there is an even representation of black men, gay or straight, in the media, which will also take much time and which also hurts.
One day things will change and, even if we get mad at the things others are doing in and with their lives, we won't care. I'm working on being that way myself. In the words of many, I'm just doing me and I'm fine to let anyone else do themselves (pardon the innuendo).
As a GAY black man, though, I face another slew of issues. For so long, homosexuality has had a stigma attached to it, and this seems to be especially strong in the black community. Black culture seems to be surrounded by the church and by music these days. The church part teaches the shame and sin of being gay, and music shows its black male performers as hypermasculine, and anything less is treated with disappointment, anger, etc. You can see some of the trouble that black gay men face in the so-called "Down Low" culture, where black men choose to hide their sexuality from the rest of the world, sometimes even the women that they are with, but have sex with men on the "low."
I find it hard to explain to my father the exact pressures I feel in being gay and black, especially after he mentions the fact that his only son won't carry on the family genes. Men are taught now not to compromise masculinity for emotion. It's no big deal when women cry, but when men cry it somehow just must be a big deal. That coupled with the fact that gay men are often portrayed as overly feminine and added to what I could consider an internal dilemma for some black gay men makes for a toxic combination.
There are some gay men that I don't always like, approve of, etc. I have never found it attractive to be called girl, to wear makeup (except on Halloween, I'll admit), carry purses, wear heels, pearls, extravagant jewelry (funny that gay straight men do this, too...) and part of that comes from the stigma of being seen as that super gay man. I don't like being seen as a stereotype, though I know that's how some people look at me. So, to see gay black men doing the same, I about keel over in frustration. I'm proud to be a boy, though I have feminine tendencies, so I take offense that some boys would rather act like girls. I shouldn't; I should stop being so judgmental, but it takes a lot to get over that anger because I don't want my family to think I'M going to be like that because I'm gay. It's hard to describe without stepping on toes, but right now I'm not worried about that.
I read an article, or perused it because the author pissed me off, about MIAKA - Men Interested in Alpha Kappa Alpha. I was like HELL TO THE FUCKING NAW! I'm serious! It made me so mad. I felt like those men should worry about being men and not trying to emulate a sorority. The author was in the same boat, but the way she talked about those gay men and how we don't have proper role models and how our single mothers brought us up as feminine (I especially took offense here because my mother worked damn hard to raise three kids, thank you). I saw one part of her argument, but she treated her gay black brothers like heathens. No, I don't always approve of what black, gay, or black AND gay men do. But at the end of the day, we are kindred in those respects. I'm going to be pissed at some things, but I'm not going to stop them from doing a damn thing. One lesson I had to learn was that no matter what, you can't change others and you can't force them to do anything that won't make them happy.
When I see a black man with pearls, it makes me want to scream, but who am I to judge? I'm sure plenty of southern folk would rather not see a young black man working in Bath and Body works, but I love that job. I'd rather not see other gay black men in make up, wearing pink and green and pearls; I'd rather not see black men wearing chains and pants that hang off their ass, speaking in a mockery of standard English; I'd rather not see other gay men flailing about, talking loud. Yet, I'm also sure a lot of people would rather not see me do some of the things I do.
I want this stigma gone, but it will take so much time, and that hurts. I want to feel like there is an even representation of black men, gay or straight, in the media, which will also take much time and which also hurts.
One day things will change and, even if we get mad at the things others are doing in and with their lives, we won't care. I'm working on being that way myself. In the words of many, I'm just doing me and I'm fine to let anyone else do themselves (pardon the innuendo).
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