The Walk

"It's not meant to feel like this
It's not what I had planned at all"

It's not. Why does my night feel so empty? I find myself in love, yes, in love, with a boy. Simple equation. Me + heart = wreck. I don't know where these strong feelings come from, but they hit me so hard sometimes, and they turn me into this weak heap of emotion. I find myself being mad at him for not wanting me the way I want him, but that's not fair. Not in the slightest.

It just feels so useless to say something. I'm trying to be a good friend, and I'm succeeding. It's just... I want to be more than that, but I can't find room to even voice this opinion because, besides the fact that I'm weak and severely underconfident, he comes to me with his problems about guys or about how he's thinking about this new guy. It just leaves me to wonder "Where the hell am I in all this?" I want to say something but I feel like I'm being looked over, and that's never been a pleasant feeling for me. Whenever I even get close to mustering to nerve to finally saying how I feel, I encounter something that makes me want to either run away or start throwing shit. Speaking of throwing shit, my cell phone came dangerously close to being a mark on the wall and a mess on the floor.

I'm tired of being in love and not being loved back. That's why I made this blog. That's why I have confidence issues. It's why I always expect guys to turn me down, and that strong aversion to rejection leaves me inactive.

Am I going to be unhappy for the rest of my life? I'm a good catch; it's about time someone else realized that and I stopped having to say it to myself. This is getting pitiful.

"Get me out of here"

Daffodil. Unrequited love. Enough said. Maybe that's why it's always been one of my favorite flowers... I chose the picture of the field because I felt it best reflected my interaction with others in terms of romance. Each of those flowers represents one love who didn't love back, one boy who never heard my words, one tear cried from the dischord between a heart with a world of love to offer and a world with no heart to offer.

Yea.