A Theist Imperative

One of the inevitable questions I get when I visit any family that is not my mother: Do you go to church? This is followed by a sterile 'No' on my end, and the also inevitable rebuttal: Well, you should go. I wish I was exaggerating about this.

The pressure to believe in God within my family is strong. It is assumed that I am lost without a church home, that I must go to church to ensure my salvation. If I believed in God, I would still tout that as a fallacy; I didn't like church when I was a believer because it just isn't necessary and I'd much rather spend my Sunday mornings in bed. Yet, the hold that Christianity has on Black people does not yield, and my family is one that is very religious. As time passes, I find myself struggling to assert my identity as an atheist, but also reconcile how I feel about supernatural life, especially as it pertains to any certain deity.

On Respect and Religion

Religion is something that is very important to many people. I value it because it affords psychological needs to those who otherwise might not have anything. Yet, it is not the only way those same needs, safety or belongingness, are met, nor is it something devoid of problems and impervious to criticism.

Marriage in Colors

In my pursuit of a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, there have been many important things I've been taught. Among them is the idea of our clients as holistic beings. It is easy to look at them through the scope of their issues, their culture, or many other factors. However, we do them a disservice when we their whole being as a function of only one part of their identity. We owe it to our clients to see them as a confluence of all the things around them and within them. Yet, this is exactly what I see in marriage equality and why I'm having a hard time just rejoicing. There is a lack of acknowledgement of issues within the marriage equality movement and issues that are concurrent with marriage equality, such as a lack of racial solidarity in the LGBT community and transgender rights.

Why I Find 'Butthurt' Offensive

'Butthurt' is a word I've never liked. I've seen it tossed around a lot and I can't shake the connections to anal rape or casting anal sex in a negative light. Though the statement can correspond to a number of sources of one's butt hurting (spanking, literal ass kicking, hemorrhoids), I find the two aforementioned connotations problematic enough to not use the word. 

However, the conversation surrounding the word is not so clear. Because of its less offensive connections, does that warrant the word's use? Are connections to the denigration of anal sex or anal rape considered 'reaching' (and on another note, is denigration a word I should exercise caution in using)? My initial reaction was that the word related to rape, but not everyone feels that way. Yet, many words are far different across people based on intention, context, and reception. 

I don't have to be called a nigger for something to be racist, and butthurt doesn't have to be used in a manner relating to violent nonconsensual sex for that connection to exist. Language is beautiful, but often tricky. While I can easily make those implicit assumptions, not everyone is going to be on board. Yet, my assumptions are valid and important simply because they are mine. That being said, debates about the offensiveness of words often miss a key component: a speaker's intention does not always equal the audience's reception.

Though I'd honestly like to abolish the word, I can't force people to be offended, nor can others disregard my feelings because they do not agree with how I perceive the word. This goes into territory regarding how to approach words. Yes, many are offensive, even typically innocent words like Oreo, apple, and banana. Yet, the context and underlying meaning, whether overt or not must be taken into consideration. I believe we should be deliberate about what we say and question what our words mean. This is a conversation we have to have about using the word 'gay' as a synonym for stupid; you may not overtly mean that being gay means being stupid, but the use of the word denotes the quality of 'gay' having an essence of 'stupidity', implying that with homosexuality comes a drop in or established low level of IQ (a dubious metric of intelligence at any rate).

There are going to be times when I disagree on why someone finds something offensive, but that gives me no right to invalidate their feelings. This also becomes tricky, because we get far too relative. Yet, we also just can't say that things are definitively offensive or not. So, where does this leave us?

Well, with me, it means that using butthurt around me is disrespectful because I find it offensive, my reasons be damned. In this case, it's not too much to ask for those close to me to refrain from usin it. Now, if this were another word, like homosexuality (re: Tennessee schools) then we'd have another issue, namely, finding a word that serves as an identity market offensive, thus implicitly stating that those with the identity are offensive. 

People say that if you look, you will find it. This quote often disregards the notion that often what you're looking for is there. Thus, we have my perception of the word butthurt. Considering the common context of the word (gamer circles), I don't think it's a stretch to assume the word is associated with rape or devaluing anal sex. Many gamers are known for homophobia and misogyny, and the emotional resonance of the word seems to imply something more painful than spanking. Also keep in mind that the word 'rape' is a common occurrence within this community too. These elements add up to a particularly unpleasant underlying meaning of the word 'butthurt'.

We may have this discussion forever about certain words. Because language is multifaceted, this conversation may not always be cut and dry. But, regardless how you see the word 'butthurt', my perception isn't far outside the realm of possibility, based on its potential and numerous meanings, the community in which it is used, and its usage. I'd rather you not use the word at all, but if you're going to, just don't around me.