Friday, May 27, 2011

Going to the Ladies' Room

If I walked into a women's public restroom, I'd get stares and there'd be a possibility of screams and me being arrested. But why?

I'm not sure when, but at some point, the idea of gender separate bathrooms stopped making sense. We poop and pee; those things are pretty universal. Women change tampons and pads in bathrooms. That covers all the physiological stuff. Women are said to gossip and put on make up, while men are as stoic as ever. Yet, I'm not sure all these reasons justify separate bathrooms.

There is most definitely the issue of age and safety. Some people do not feel safe sending their children into restrooms with people of the opposite sex. However, what I've found is that sometimes that doesn't even matter. I heard about a young girl in my hometown getting raped in the bathroom of a Mexican restaurant. I highly doubt that the restrooms were unisex, as that isn't a very common thing here. Does that mean the man dragged her to the men's room? Did he follow her into the ladies' room? Was I misinformed and was there no bathroom at all? While safety is an issue, I'm not sure it does us any good to separate genders for fear that someone will be raped, when the chances are still likely.

You can argue that, with protection of others in the bathroom, it is much less likely to happen. But what about the bystander effect, where people will stand by while something bad happens to someone? What if you go in a public restroom alone? There are many times I walk into the restroom at my university and I'm by myself. Hell, I've sat on the toilet for minutes without someone coming in. That would be a prime time for attack, regardless of gender separation in bathrooms or not.

Another issue of safety is that we often view sexual abuse in male-aggressor and female-victim dyads, forgetting it can work in the other way. Under this assumption, both little boys and girls are vulnerable. There is some mediation as far as parents going in the bathroom, but I'm not sure any circumstance is 100% preventable. Yet, we cannot assume that men or women will become raping machines in unisex bathrooms, nor can we pretend that their hormones will overpower them and they'll be having sex all over the place (which can still happen in gender separated bathrooms).

The best case scenario arises in private restrooms. There's no reason for single stall bathrooms to be separated. Often, the difference is condom machines in men's restrooms (or maybe women's too, not sure, I don't go in there), little boxes for tampons and pads, and diaper changing stations (which can be found in some men's restrooms, too, not just women's). In private restrooms, we might as well have two separate unisex bathrooms rather than two gender separated bathrooms.

Also, it is most important to talk about accessibility. Transgender people face discrimination in that, if they look a certain way, regardless of how they feel or, in undergoing sex reassignment, what stage they're in, people can still question it and deride them for choosing one bathroom or another. Unisex bathrooms help alleviate some of this pressure. While they may still be judged, they will have a space to use the restroom that is not dictated by a particular gender's space. Thus, unisex bathrooms have a social value as well.

Some people in countries with unisex restrooms say there is no issue. I believe that, had someone in the world's past not advocated for strict separation of genders, I wouldn't even be making this blog post. We'd accept it as another thing that's part of our society. Then, I may still be asking, as I am today, in essence, 'Why are things the way they are?'

An undercurrent to this post is 'who gets to pick the status quo? when do we decide that it is a good status quo?' I'm not really sure. This has just been something on my mind.

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