Before This

Crystal Kay's new single, "涙のさきに" (Namida no Saki ni - Before the Tears), is inspiring me to be a little more upbeat about life, and my love life specifically.

I've started to notice a lot of patterns. I like someone, something gets miscommunicated or things don't happen, and that someone becomes a no one in my life for a little while. Then I feel bitter and angry at them because I feel hurt. And I do, it always hurts to lose that hope, that little thread you desperately cling to. But that also leads to a lot of unnecessary and unneeded anger towards specific people, and that's not far. The same goes for a lot of other things.

I'm tired of this dating game, even if I can't get my piece on the board. I'm tired of putting so much energy into these endeavors.

For the first time in my life, my lack of a love life truly is okay. The thought of this almost makes me want to cry, but it's okay not having anyone next to me, in bed or life or otherwise. As John Mayer soulfully sings in "Lesson Learned" with Alicia Keys, "It's alright, it's alright, it's alright." And it is.

It's alright. It's alright. It's alright. This is just another lesson learned and another step closer to loving myself as I should.