Oh *sigh*

There are a lot of things I don't like; as of late, a lot of these have had to do with people.

I hate that I don't have one solid group of friends. Though being around the same people all the time can grow to be taxing, I want that core, that strong circle. Instead, I have multiple. I actually do have plenty of people to call and hang with; it's just that, sometimes, the first person I call isn't available then I'll call someone else and it'll be the same, then eventually it gets to the point where I want someone to be around, but I feel like I'm using them because I didn't call first, you know?

And not just that. Those circles break; I see the breakdown now. There used to be group A which turned to nothing, so I went to group B and they were awesome, and now group C, who I'm around most of the time. But group C makes me feel insecure sometimes (see previous posts) and I'm starting to notice the bad things I don't like about being around. Group B was split (conflict of interests; not in that bad way, but in that different paths way) so there's basically group B1 and B2, with a few individual outliers. The problem here is that B1 and B2 shouldn't exist in the first place; an argument and the aforementioned conflict of interest split group B that way. It sucks because I'm seeing multiple sides of different stories and I'm starting to feel guilty about hanging around 1 and not 2 or vice versa. It all seems immature, but even adults stop talking to people for shitty reasons. I've seen this and done this myself.

And there's the old argument of trying to keep in touch with so many but being unable to. I want to let everyone know I care, but I can't do that simultaneously all of the time. I feel like I have to pick who I want close. I think it should work like that, but not like a lottery.

Too much drama and fussing and shitty things abound. If they could see from my eyes, would they still be bitter towards each other, or would they reconcile? It's not always good to know two sides of one story if you're the neutral party.