I have:
Had dating adventures
Gone through a few small financial crises
Started a relationship
Lived alone
Seen movies
Babysat a dog
As I hashed out that list, I found that the things I freaked about earlier this summer weren't as numerous or intense as I thought, a fact that plays very well into this post. As soon as The Biffle left, I felt like things shifted. As more things started to happen, it felt like my world was becoming more chaotic. All of a sudden, my anchor was gone, and there was no one left but me. I found that I did the exact thing in our relationship that I was scared I'd do: I made her the emotional replacement of my ex.
So, I had to find a way to survive on my own, yet again. Though she is a call or a txt away, and will be returning in less than a month, I had to do this on my own. Sometimes, I forced myself to do this on my own. I had to learn how to survive with out my new 'rock'.
What does this mean for our relationship now? Well, it means that I get to treat her as less of my Shining Knight and more of my friend. I get to enjoy her time without the expectation of pouring my sorrows onto her shoulder. I get to stop worrying about boys and start worrying more about her. Our relationship seems as though it may need some reformatting when we see each other again, but I look forward to it. Now, I feel like I have something more and positive to offer her.
The lesson, then, is that I had to learn how to be on my own again. It took my Biffle leaving to pursue a great opportunity and me being here by myself to realize that. I don't need anyone in the sense that I know how to survive and get by, though at times I justifiably want and need to ask for help. There's a lot more I know that I can do now than I ever did before, and it took The Ex and The Biffle leaving to figure that out.
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