Yet, I still believe I was made for something. I used to think I was made specifically to find someone to love and love them until I die, hopefully making both of our lives better. Yet, lately, and specifically this week, I've expanded that. I can't have been made to love someone in Other Romantic Love. No. I think I was made to love. Period.
And maybe it's not a purpose. Maybe it's my own declaration, a dedication to refuse to make this world a shittier place. At any rate, I've found a very strong joy in just loving others, in loving people I perceive don't like me, loving men who don't respect me, loving those who were in my life but now aren't, loving those who are in my life. Loving up close. Loving at a distance. Just, loving.
Love has had a profound effect on me. Without it, I wouldn't have gotten through the past nine months. Where the Other Romantic Love that had been so present in my life was suddenly gone, the Other Love of my friends and family slowly helped fill a hole I felt in the middle of my chest. But, not just that: the Self Love I finally acquired was also transformative.
Because of Self Love and Other Love, I wake up in the morning feeling worthwhile. Yeah, some days are bad, but I still learn to embrace them. I feel as though I matter. Love has become a real and palpable thing in my life. So, I made it my duty to keep spreading it. I need to start pushing myself to find new and creative ways to love me and others, but I still love. Every day, I love.
I get daily reminders that my work isn't done. Sometimes, I'm not sure it will be. But, even when I feel I can't, when the energy doesn't suddenly rush to me, I love. My world is better, easier because of it. I seriously hope yours is, too. If not, I'd like to change that.
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