On Idealism

I come from a place of idealism. In working to become a psychological counselor, I have one very clear goal in mind: change the world. However, this is not something I should say to other professionals. The one time I said it in a class, my professor gave me a look you should never give to someone like me, who spends so much of his time analyzing things. From what I gather, you don't tell people you want to change the world, you just hope you will. Maybe.

This idealism, this dreaming is a part of myself I never want to disappear. It drives me, sometimes. When I'm focused on what the world could be? I feel much better about being in school. My goal is to help heal minds, change behaviors, and, in turn, change the world, one person at a time. I've found that, without superpowers or money, though those with money may not get much work done in the grand scheme (or they may not even try), change comes at a slow pace.

Of course, there is *some* change I can effect in the world through myself. By trying to become a better person, I'm going to treat others better and maybe be some semblance of a life without a regular asshole. Yet, this change is small. It is not earth moving, planet shaking. It is limited. While another form of idealism may have you believe otherwise, realistically, the changes we make in ourselves may not reach too far beyond us and our existence. Thus, what do I do? How do I change the world? I'm not really sure.

However, I notice what I bring to people's lives. I know I'm supposed to speak from humility, but I see it. Though I may deny it, I know that I bring something special to the lives of some people, and that something special is how I'm going to change the world. I'll bring something special to my future clients' lives. I may have already done so; I'm just not sure.

So, why can't I be so open about this idealism professionally? Is it because there is really no business in changing the world? Must I remain pragmatic? I feel like it is going to be my secret. Like, when someone asks, "Why did you decide to go into counseling?" I must hold back the "I want to change the world and this is my best tool in doing so" and say "Because I feel I have some natural skill that will help in pursuing this career and I like psychology."

We readily dismiss idealism. Sometimes, I do, too. In love, idealism, as rosy as it sounds, can be painful, and that's something I've experienced. Yet, it has its value. Those that advocate "realism", which is just cynicism surrounded by quotation marks, may not have it all together. Sometimes, I wonder if true realists, or cynics by another name, are happy. Give me dreaming, fantasizing. Yes, they must exist with some realism, but the two things can logically exist together. I can't effect mass change on this Earth, like I'd attempt if I were solely guided by idealism, but I can, hopefully, one person at a time, which is where the realism comes in.

So, let it be known to you that I'm in this game to change the world. If you ask me at a professional conference, I'll give you a different answer. But any other day, I'll stick with my idealism. And if that idealism dies, I hope my body has died with it, for if my idealism dies before I do, I don't think I'll be a counselor, a writer, an artist. What I will be is a shell, devoid of dreams.