Gender roles and expectations permeate many facets of our society, including clothes. Especially from within the often hypermasculine world of the Black man, there are certain things to wear and not to wear. Don't wear tight jeans or shirts, don't wear short shorts. Basically, don't wear anything remotely feminine. But why? High heels and skirts on a man don't hurt anyone, but they are enough to provoke people to violence. Violence is part of the reason I get a pang of anxiety even thinking about wearing these trunks in public. What if someone decides to attack me? What if someone perceives my sexual orientation and decides to hurt me because they disagree with either my presentation or some fundamental facet of myself? Yeah, what if. To even have to ask myself these questions, I have to live in a shitty world where my clothes are enough to provoke violence. I have to change myself, rather than the world around me changing, in order to be safe.
Such arguments fall under the 'Blame the Victim' mentality, that, somehow, some quality of a victim is what elicited violence. We hear this argument a lot: Well, if that woman had been wearing more clothes (showing less skin) she wouldn't have been raped. The more logical response should be, 'The fuck is wrong with him?'. I shouldn't be scared to wear short shorts, or even a dress if I damn well pleased, but I am. I'm working on that.
Yeah, I'm going to keep getting weird looks, but that doesn't mean I feel less at home in these shorts. I like them far better than many of the trunks offered to men (too long, less flattering). Why adhere to a social pressure to 'look' like a man at all times? I should care about my safety, but, really, who is going to attack me for wearing short swimtrunks?
1 comment:
I'm glad you're comfortably wearing your shorts! Me and Walter discovered something similar (that I had never before considered, but he probably expected) when we first started dating. We quickly discovered places we would be greeted with hostility, and soon began to avoid those places, or change our behavior (not holding hands, walk several feet apart, not talk, definitely not argue, etc.) out of fear of being harmed, and just to avoid hostile stares and words. It took a while for me to ask, "Why should we change? We aren't doing anything wrong." After that revelation, I became much braver and willing to be ourselves and screw what others would do. I still struggle at times though, because it can be easier to just avoid conflict. Next time, I'll think of your in you're short, flattering shorts :)
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