Breakdown by Mariah Carey is one of my favorite songs in the world and one of the most capable of reducing me to a sobbing pile of man on the floor. Hyperbole aside, it is a great song. I started thinking of why, and came up with this analysis:
The song starts with Mariah's ad-libbed vocals and Bone Thugs saying:
Break-breakdown
Steady breaking me on down
Thus, we know we are about to get into heavy business. We have a very soft lyrical start:
You called yesterday
To basically say
That you care for me but
That you're just not in love
We have a moment of clarity at the outset. We know how all of this began. Each of the line breaks indicates a pause in Mariah's singing, which I think is important. I can imagine her telling this story to a friend, trying to catch her breath, or trying to slow down as not to cry. Mariah continues her story, still rather soft-spoken, mirroring the sentiments of the lyrics:
Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was okay
To just walk away from the
One thing that was yielding and sacred to me.
To think that she could say all of that without breaking down is astounding, but she relates it rather 'nonchalantly' (an important word which shows up in the chorus). Next, we actually have the chorus:
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
But I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel, and I lie convincingly
'Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then I break down and cry
In the sound of her voice, she is trying to be nonchalant, to pretend as though she isn't phased. I can imagine telling this story and acting as though I were okay, smiling as though I can get over it. It kinda reflects the 'denial' stage of grief, not believing it's over. Next comes anger...:
What do you do when (when)
Somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you,
And it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through?
She doesn't know why she's going through this, so she's asking 'What the hell do I do? How do I deal with this situation?' I can sense both the anger and sadness here. The rest of the verse:
Do you cling to your pride, and sing 'I will survive'?
Do you lash out and say 'How dare you leave this way'?
Or do you hold on in vain as they just slip away?
It seems as though she is a mix of strength, anger, and being defeated. We have a bit of a rise in Mariah's voice as she sings the second line, and as she sings the last, she seems to fade into the chorus repeat. After the chorus, we have the Bone Thugs rap:
It'll break you down
Only if you let it
Everyday crucial situation wrackin' my mind
Tryin' to break me down
But I won't let it
Forget it
Forget it
I've been feelin' like you're breakin' me down
Kickin' me around
Stressin' me out
I think I better go and get out and let me
Release some stress (stress)
Don't ever wanna feel no pain (pain)
Hoping for the sun
But it looks like rain (rain, rain, rain)
Oh, i just wanna maintain
Yeah, when you feel the pressure's on
But nevertheless
Krayzie won't fall
It's over
It's endin' here, here
The rap reflects some amazing sentiments. First, we have the idea that 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.' Next, we have feelings of weakness, of being hit while we're down. After, we have emotions that reflect helplessness, a desire to see the positive but being unable to, a desire to just get through. Last, we have the idea that, no, this won't break us, even though we are struggling. The end of the song is where it gets good.
Among the repeat of the chorus, we have Mariah doing her most emotive work yet on the song. It has been building from the beginning. As she starts the story, relates her true emotions, questions what she's supposed to do. She cycles through various emotions to get to this point of release. Essentially, she is crying out, kind of like Dane Cook's idea of the 'I did my best!' repetition. This is the part of the song where, if I haven't cried during the rest, I start, especially if I'm singing, because I let loose. If I'm feeling pain, it is raw, out in the open. If I'm not, I experience the catharsis I often feel through crying.
I'm not going through exactly what Mariah is in this song, but it still allows for some emotions to be released. Sometimes, I do get close to wanting to breakdown. I have fallen to my knees, clutching my chest, though my pain was not physical. If I put myself there, where she is, I start feeling and things rise to the surface that I need to deal with or I need to pass.
This song's construction and meaning are extremely powerful, and they are a large part of why I love it. 'Breakdown' is surely a work of genius, of deliberate work.
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