Attendance

I'm going to go on the record and say that I do not think it necessary, at all, for one to attend church to be saved or receive or even seek salvation. Yes, I think it helps, but I don't believe it's necessary. My parents and many others will disagree, I know, but I've thought this for a long time.

I appreciate the fact that my mother eventually gave me the choice of whether or not to go to church. It is a freedom I would not have had in my father's home. I know it would make her happy to see me go every Sunday, but she also knows that I may not be happy there. This isn't an issue of sexual orientation for me, like many people believe it is, though it may have started as one. As I got older, I began to realize that I'd rather spend my Sunday in bed watching cartoons, not going to a church service where I felt my and other's actions were mechanical, that I did everything because everyone else did. I didn't ever feel the need to raise my hands to God except to do what everyone else did. I don't think tithing is the way to prosperity. I believe in God and I am growing comfortable with him, but I think he and I both know that I am more comfortable outside of church.

I have had some good experiences there. I have also had some pretty damn boring experiences (church and calculus both make for a good nap; Sorry, God). And not going to church fits right in line with no desire to go and a desire to do nothing. What I don't get though, is the pressure to go. My parents say it is necessary to fellowship. When I get an inkling to go, is that God speaking to me? Am I ignoring his will? Am I being to comfortable not going? I am open to going in the future, but only if I so choose. It's not wrong for me to believe differently or have a faith that isn't the same as others, so why do I feel like my faith absolutely must be the same?

I don't intend to have my father's faith, though that's what he keeps impressing on me. His way is the right way because he believes he's on the right path. There is no room for deviation. There is only damnation awaiting me. I don't subscribe to that. I do, however, believe that my own personal faith is private. It is not something I intend to share. I will discuss and contemplate with others the nature of faith, God, religion, spirituality and things of the like. I won't, however, share, or even be able to share, the most intimate and innermost parts of my personal belief system. I wake up in the morning and pray for guidance, strength, forgiveness, and protection for myself and everyone else in this world. I am becoming truly happy. To me, this is perfect. I hate to break tradition or be the spiritual (not religious) black sheep of my family, but that's where I feel at home.

I just wish others could see that.