Anything Can Change

I cling to the belief that any new person can meet you around any corner, whether he is good or bad. With each new breeze, choice, decision, or moment you can meet someone who will change you life. I use this belief to search for my soulmate, though it is not one of my more healthy beliefs.

It isn't easy to come to terms with feelings of loneliness, let alone make them go away in a healthy manner. When I'm not in a relationship, I'm constantly searching, on the hunt for someone who will make my life just a little bit more worthwhile. The kicker is that, while I feel this is an unhealthy and obsessive behavior, I'm not stupid enough just to jump in bed with any random person to make the loneliness go away. I know what will and won't make me happy. So, the damage is two-fold: I make unhealthy obsessions with likely partners but am not willing to just go along with whatever is thrown my way.

Yes, I believe that anything can change. However, I can also change. I can be happy watching my favorite movies alone or with my roommate or with friends and NOT looking for booty, in simple and almost crude terms. Waiting is worthwhile, it's just also unpleasant. I wish I could take my mind off of it, but it's not easy.

So, what I'm going to do is revel in the feelings I have right now: Of being alone, not lonely, and resting, relaxing, and crying when the best parts of this movie come on.