Gay and Republican: Maybe Not So Hypocritical

When we hear about gay Republicans, there is the collective GASP. We say, "How can you be gay and conservative?" "Do you care about your own rights?" "You can't be gay and Republican." And I'm just not so sure these statements are all in the right area.

I call myself a liberal because I support liberal social politics. I am pro-choice; I support gay-marriage and adoption. But what about economics? The environment? Education? I don't know what it means to be either liberal OR conservative about those issues. I just know where I stand on them, with economics to a lesser degree. When we call someone conservative or liberal, I think we just stop at the social meaning which often gravitates around the question "Do you like gay people and support gay rights?" A yes will elicit "Well, you must be a liberal," and a no will elicit "You fucking conservative."

Maybe we aren't giving gay republicans their due. Just because they are Republican or consider themselves conservative may not mean that they don't support gay rights. In the media we often see the polarized versions of Democrats and Republicans, conservatives and liberal. They are either one or the other and very strongly so. However, I'm sure we've all met a Republican who actually supported gay marriage or a Democrat who didn't. What does it take to be considered one or the other? Must you be either in every possible way, or can you have more moderate, and even some opposite leaning, views?

I recently read about a gay Republican conference with the one and only Anne Fucking Coulter as a speaker. Now, I always thought she hated the gays. Why is she speaking at a gay conference? That's a story for another day. I read up on these particular Republicans and found that while they use that label, they are also in support of gay marriage. It was a shock; I always found gay and Republican/conservative to be mutually exclusive. That was my turning point.

I think we are being shortsighted when we assume that all conservatives hate gay people and don't support gay marriage and that gay people can't hold conservative views. We see what a certain conservatism looks like in the supporters of Prop 8, who use hollow arguments to support their claims. But what about others? What about liberals or Democrats (a lot of people see them as one in the same for some reason) who actually don't support gay marriage? What about clearly outspoken conservatives like Elizabeth Hasselbeck who actually do (trust me, I was just as surprised as you are)? Why do we keep putting people in boxes and only assigning them the most naive, idealistic qualities or the worth and most negative qualities?

People exist on a spectrum. Their views lie on a political or ideological spectrum. Gays can be Republicans just like they are most often assumed to be Democrats or liberals. I know where I stand. It's time I and others recognized that just because we are gay does not mean we all have the same views.

My Hands

This summer has been full of things for me. Inside the mediocrity that is working and living I have read many books, made a list of goals to accomplish for the moment and in the next year, drank, taken bubble baths, ended a relationship, pondered new ones, beaten a video game and gotten closer to people whom I've always wanted to build a relationship with.

The game I beat, Final Fantasy XIII, was beautiful, but that is a story for another day (which I should actually do). The end theme, "My Hands" by Leona Lewis, is both beautiful and inspiring. I listened to it non-stop after I beat the game because, at that point, it was an anthem and a testament to getting up and moving, even when you don't want to, even after so long. After Z and I broke up, it became my anthem, my manifesto. Even when I didn't feel like getting up and going about my day, I'd do it. When I had moments that made me feel so weak I wanted to drop to the floor and scream, I didn't. I kept moving. I had to force myself to keep going. Melodrama aside, the song really did keep me going.

Not a day has gone by that I haven't made my bed in the morning (or when I finally decide to get up). I eat breakfast every day. I've started to floss AND brush my teeth at night (no comment...). In short, though My Hands would love to be held again, especially by someone whom I cared so deeply about, I know they may not be for a while. And that is okay. My world is feeling warm again. I can feel the winter melting away into my new spring.

The song also has a sense of resolution, even in its words of uncertainty and longing for a past love. My summer has the same feeling. My life is reaching a point of closure, the end of a chapter to usher in the next one. So many things will change, even in the next month, and I am getting ready to face them. I will enter a new chapter in my life.

Here's the song (with the nifty FFXIII logo :D)

Let It Out - Deux

Here is the PV to "Let It Out" by Miho Fukuhara. I'll let the song do the talking.

Gay

Today, I cried for all the people I know and for the many I don't know who have suffered some kind of injustice or unkindness because they were gay, whether from their parents, friends, government or even complete strangers. Today, I also cried because I am lucky.

I didn't get bullied in high school; I was off the radar. My mom didn't, and still may not, like that I'm gay, but she loves and supports me regardless. There is not a day that I am not thankful for all she has done for me. I haven't lost any friends because I'm gay, and, for the most part, I've had better relationships than worse. I was and am lucky. I don't deal with the same struggles as my brothers and sisters in some nations in Africa or the Middle East, where they could very well forfeit their lives for love of someone of the same sex. I've never been kicked out or abused because I am gay. I am lucky. I am loved. And so is everyone else. So should they be.

There isn't much I can do from this point and position in life besides offer my support. For anyone who has been subject to homophobia or abuse, I am so sorry. I don't think anyone should ever have to endure that just because they like or love someone of the same sex or a different race, religion, ethnicity, etc. But, even if our music and our movies constantly talk of love, our world is not one as full of love as it is of hate and despair. You know what, though? It so could be.

We could create a world where EVERYONE was loved, where we all coexisted and no one had rights taken away except for those who seek to take the rights from others (I'm looking at you, Prop 8 supporters). Being gay would be no different from being straight. Being black, asian, white, hispanic, middle eastern, european, latin would be no different from each other. In fact, none of these things are essentially different (we simply are one, maybe even more, of these things) besides some physical representation, but we treat them as wholly different and unequal.

I've thought of becoming a counselor for gay and lesbian people, adolescents and adults alike. That way, I can leave my mark and change lives in a way that I believe I was made for. I may end up pursuing this endeavor.

Until then, we must all, gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, and questioning, keep our heads high. The world won't be like this forever. We were chosen to exist here and now for a reason. If not, then I offer an apology for each of your struggles.

Color

One: I really love one word titles, even if they do seem pretentious at times.

Two: The paradox of the word pretentious is that you have to be pretentious to even use it.

Three: I actually am going to write about something substantial.

Anyway, as you may or may not know, I am currently living in an apartment. It is a lovely experience, except for losing $300 more dollars every month. Said apartment complex has a pool that my roomie and I visit at least once a week. In going to the pool I have gotten much more sun than usual and have become darker. I'm not like black black, but I am considerably more brown than I used to be. Every time I come in from the pool I look darker, much darker by my own perception, though this wears off after a while. I like getting sun but I don't want to be dark. For some reason, I equate dark with bad. Why?

I'm not attracted to dark-skinned men. It's just not my thing. I think part of this stems from the stigma among the black community that the darker you are, the worse off you are. I've mentioned before the concept of being marked (at least I think I have). By being anything other than white and straight and male, you're automatically marked, but the more you differ from others the worse your mark. Long ago, dark skinned people probably had it worse than their lighter compatriots. I think that stigma carries.

Light skinned people are more often viewed as beautiful. You don't want to be dark. So, when I looked down at my skin yesterday and realized that I am still that wonderful caramel color, just a bit darker, I was relieved. I had to stop and think, though, about my aversion to becoming darker. I feel like I won't have as great a chance as finding a guy (it really sucks when someone tells you that he's 'not into black guys,' even if he's completely honest). My skin color shouldn't be an issue. I don't find a lot of Asian men attractive (except Harry Shum, Jr.), but I'm never going to tell an Asian man I won't date him because 'I'm not into Asian men.' I don't know if this is sugarcoating (okay, it is), but I will say, 'No,' and it should be as simple as that.

I love my skin color and always have. Any darkening of the skin won't be (too) permanent, so I shouldn't worry. But I should never have to worry that people will see me differently if I am darker, and I should never treat someone differently because my skin is lighter or darker than theirs. Our skin color should never be a determinate in those we find attractive or of how we treat others.

Yet, why do we still even worry about that?

Attendance

I'm going to go on the record and say that I do not think it necessary, at all, for one to attend church to be saved or receive or even seek salvation. Yes, I think it helps, but I don't believe it's necessary. My parents and many others will disagree, I know, but I've thought this for a long time.

I appreciate the fact that my mother eventually gave me the choice of whether or not to go to church. It is a freedom I would not have had in my father's home. I know it would make her happy to see me go every Sunday, but she also knows that I may not be happy there. This isn't an issue of sexual orientation for me, like many people believe it is, though it may have started as one. As I got older, I began to realize that I'd rather spend my Sunday in bed watching cartoons, not going to a church service where I felt my and other's actions were mechanical, that I did everything because everyone else did. I didn't ever feel the need to raise my hands to God except to do what everyone else did. I don't think tithing is the way to prosperity. I believe in God and I am growing comfortable with him, but I think he and I both know that I am more comfortable outside of church.

I have had some good experiences there. I have also had some pretty damn boring experiences (church and calculus both make for a good nap; Sorry, God). And not going to church fits right in line with no desire to go and a desire to do nothing. What I don't get though, is the pressure to go. My parents say it is necessary to fellowship. When I get an inkling to go, is that God speaking to me? Am I ignoring his will? Am I being to comfortable not going? I am open to going in the future, but only if I so choose. It's not wrong for me to believe differently or have a faith that isn't the same as others, so why do I feel like my faith absolutely must be the same?

I don't intend to have my father's faith, though that's what he keeps impressing on me. His way is the right way because he believes he's on the right path. There is no room for deviation. There is only damnation awaiting me. I don't subscribe to that. I do, however, believe that my own personal faith is private. It is not something I intend to share. I will discuss and contemplate with others the nature of faith, God, religion, spirituality and things of the like. I won't, however, share, or even be able to share, the most intimate and innermost parts of my personal belief system. I wake up in the morning and pray for guidance, strength, forgiveness, and protection for myself and everyone else in this world. I am becoming truly happy. To me, this is perfect. I hate to break tradition or be the spiritual (not religious) black sheep of my family, but that's where I feel at home.

I just wish others could see that.

Let It Out

I'm not going to give you a real blog post. At least, I don't think I am right now. Anyway, here are the lyrics to my newest favorite song. They speak volumes.

Let It Out - Miho Fukuhara

Let it all out, Let it all out
強がらなくていいんだね
誰かが描いてった　壁の落書きの花が　揺れる

自分らしさなんて　誰もわからないよ
長い長い道の途中で　失くしたり拾ったり
急に寂しくなって　泣いちゃう日もあるけど

涙も　痛みも　星に変えよう
明日を照らす　灯りをともそう
小さく迷っても　ふたりで作ろう
星屑を　強く光る永遠を探そう

Let it all out, Let it all out
足りないことだらけだよね
足りなくていいんだね　だから君と出会えたんだ

「確か」が何なのか　それが知りたくて
小さなナイフを靴下に隠してた
強がってついた　嘘の方がずっと痛かった

本当は　恐いよ　だけど生きてく
笑顔の君を風が撫でてく
小さな手かざして　ふたりで作ろう
星屑を　強く光る永遠を探そう

正しいことが間違ってたら　どうすればいい?
悲しいことが正しかったら　受け入れるだけ?
失くしたと思ってた　でも君が知ってた
君がいて　本当によかった

涙も　痛みも　星に変えよう
明日を照らす　灯りをともそう
小さな手かざして　ふたりで作ろう
星屑を　強く光る永遠を

さよなら　いつかは来るかもしれない
季節はそれでも巡り巡ってく
小さく迷っても　歩いてく
君と歩いてく　それだけは変わらないでいようね

Translation:

Let it all out, let it all out You don't have to act so brave The flowers that somebody scribbled on the wall are swaying Nobody knows what makes them unique We both lose and gain By embarking on this long, long path And though there may be days Loneliness strikes and makes us weep Let's turn our tears and pain into stars We'll light a candle to illuminate our tomorrow Even if we get a little lost, together we'll make stardust We'll search for the eternity that shines so brightly Let it all out, let it all out There's a lot of things you lack, aren't there? But it's okay you aren't perfect That's how I met you in the first place You wanted to know what exactly what tomorrow was You had a little knife hidden in your sock But putting on a brave face and telling the lie Hurt so much more I know that you might be scared But you'll keep moving forward The meaning behind your smile is playing in the wind Let's hold up our little hands And together we'll make stardust We'll search for the eternity that shines so brightly What should we do if what we thought was right Turns out to be wrong? We can only accept that some truths will cause us sorrow I thought I had lost everything But only you know it's not like that I'm so thankful that you're here with me Let's turn our tears and pain into stars We'll light a candle to illuminate our tomorrow Let's hold up our little hands And together we'll make stardust For an eternity that shines so brightly There may come a day when we have to say goodbye Yet the seasons continue to change obliviously Even if I lose myself, I'll continue to walk Walk by your side That's one thing I'd like to never change

Anything Can Change

I cling to the belief that any new person can meet you around any corner, whether he is good or bad. With each new breeze, choice, decision, or moment you can meet someone who will change you life. I use this belief to search for my soulmate, though it is not one of my more healthy beliefs.

It isn't easy to come to terms with feelings of loneliness, let alone make them go away in a healthy manner. When I'm not in a relationship, I'm constantly searching, on the hunt for someone who will make my life just a little bit more worthwhile. The kicker is that, while I feel this is an unhealthy and obsessive behavior, I'm not stupid enough just to jump in bed with any random person to make the loneliness go away. I know what will and won't make me happy. So, the damage is two-fold: I make unhealthy obsessions with likely partners but am not willing to just go along with whatever is thrown my way.

Yes, I believe that anything can change. However, I can also change. I can be happy watching my favorite movies alone or with my roommate or with friends and NOT looking for booty, in simple and almost crude terms. Waiting is worthwhile, it's just also unpleasant. I wish I could take my mind off of it, but it's not easy.

So, what I'm going to do is revel in the feelings I have right now: Of being alone, not lonely, and resting, relaxing, and crying when the best parts of this movie come on.

Strangers

I just watched New York, I Love You, which, to me, is every bit as beautiful as its predecessor, Paris, Je T'aime. It is a film with a different story for each scene, except this time there were interludes showing the connections between different characters. It is a movie about the interconnectedness of our lives, even in a city as large as New York City.

It made me think: How much of my life is an interlude?

What parts of my life exist as the waiting rooms for the major chapters in my life thus far? Where is there a beautiful lull, a chance to set up the next meetings and interactions? Where do I connect with others whom I don't know, but could know? Where do our stories intercede and branch off into two, or more, separate lives, adventures, or even tragedies?

One thing The Velvet Rage mentioned was that we shouldn't let our sexual appetites dictate whom we choose to talk to or associate with? If we are only talking and making (futile) connections with those whom we are attracted to, we miss out on so much. I could miss my next closest friend or most bitter enemie. A lover or a hater. Despite what poles the people we could meet occupy, our interactions with them are no less beautiful. As Kahlil Gibran says in "On Pain:"

And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.

I think that can apply to people as well. If we can "keep [our] hearts in wonder," those who dislike us, or whom we dislike, may not be any less wondrous than the people we love, for they help define our lives just as those who love us do.

So, I want to meet a stranger. Maybe to love, maybe just to talk. I want to feel the beauty of life's intersections, of the avenues through which we meet people who impact our lives in a variety of ways.

Rage

I am reading Dr. Alan Downs' The Velvet Rage for the second time in my life. It is full of insight and revelations for me. It is a quick read and I love what I am learning about myself and my life and how I can change it for the better.

It talks about how to live and cope with being in our world as a gay man. It talks of our difficulties in relationships, how we deal with shame, the fact that we may have shame in the first place, and how to move toward a truly authentic life. I loved it the first time, but I am learning so much more this time. Of the hallmark lessons is that sometimes the pain you experience from interaction with others isn't your fault. Not to say that it is theirs, but definitely to say that you are not to blame.

Sometimes I wonder, know, and wonder again whether I am still dealing with emotional pain from previous relationships. Sometimes the thought of those people fills me with anger, even if I am unable to recall all of the things they said or did. But, it was still refreshing to read that it wasn't my fault. I was not to blame. But, also, that the pain I experienced with them may have been a result of pain they had gone through as well. I'm not relegating my reactions or anything I did to those people. I am fully responsible for those. However, I am saying, and practically refusing, to carry around those wounds forever. Maybe this is my first step at closing those wounds, maybe I have taken the steps before, or maybe I have yet to make such a bold move.

Another thing that sticks out to me, though, is whether or not I have perpetuated any cycles of distress, pain, or invalidation as a result of my own experiences. No, they were not life-ending, threatening, or challenging, but they sure as hell did suck, and they are all I can draw from as far as any kind of psychological trauma is concerned. Still, I do not want to be the agent of pain for someone else at all and especially not because of pain that I had gone through in the past.

So, to someone I know will read this maybe as soon as I post it, maybe in a matter of days, weeks, months, or whatever period of time: I hope that you did not have to suffer because I had been hurt before. I hope that our relationship did not create scars that you will have to live with forever, or for any moment in time. I hope that this post isn't setting you back emotionally or creating any distress. If so, I will gladly take it down and keep it in the private recesses of my mind. Even if we did not work out, we should not have to carry around the pain or invalidation of others. You should never have to be suspicious of another person or relationship because of anything I did, and I truly hope this is not the case. Now is the time for both of us to heal; there should be no deep scars or biting truths. You are, were, and will be a wonderful person, one that needs to and will grow, just the same as me. You can consider this an apology, reconciliation, promise, an urging for you to grow, live long and prosper, and ultimately to heal. There are lessons to be learned and love for ourselves and for others we meet in the future to grow.

We must live truly authentic lives to be happy. Sometimes this means glamour and money, other times it means tranquility and solitude. I want to enhance this process in people's lives, not hinder it. I am going to try my best to make sure that the men that romantically enter my life do not have to suffer any scars at my hands, and I pray to God that no one has by this point. I refuse to be content with the way things were if it has caused someone pain, and will help facilitate healing in any way possible, but I also refuse to let the pain of others interfere with my own healing and acceptance of myself if it does not need to.

Dating Myself

Yes, it does sound a bit... Off. But I'm interested in the concept.

I once read in a book, Finding the Perfect Boyfriend, that we should go on dates with our inner boyfriend. It's okay to go out to dinner, to the movies, or stay at home and have a nice romantic date with him. Of course, he is you and you are him and you're both one nice little complete puzzle. He is your key to understanding how to love and appreciate yourself, to being alone, but also to taking steps toward truly loving someone else. You're alone to everyone who can physically see you, but on the inside you're getting in touch with someone and something that may just allow you to have a more fulfilling intrapersonal and interpersonal life.

No, I'm not exactly reeling from my recent breakup, but it has been an event that other events in my life are drawing from. I'm adjusting to being single, not having as many rules, sleeping alone, and just being alone in general. I don't think I've completely learned how to love myself, so every breakup thus far is a reminder that when the love of someone else is not longer present, the love of myself should be sufficient to keep me happy and not wanting to dive into the arms of another man to try to fill whatever I feel is missing in my life.

I miss the transparency; I'm never as honest with my friend or my family as I am with my partner, something that needs to change. I'm the only person who knows why I keep adding guys on Facebook, why I got wasted last week (bad night), why I am constantly searching for someone attractive and male to talk to: because I'm alone, but still lonely. I'm old enough to know that anything I start now could be detrimental to myself and whatever person I'm involved with, but it is still a viable option so that I'm not both alone AND lonely, at least for a little while.

So, I'm going to have a date with myself, to bring myself one step closer to recovery and being happy being alone. I'm going to cook dinner, read a book, get some ice cream, and go to a book store. Because I can and because there are many other things I could do that wouldn't be good for me and end up making me hurt worse. But, also, because I want to love myself, to be happy in my skin and my circumstances.

One day I'll be able to approach someone with the maximum amount of love I can offer because, that day, I will love myself fully and completely. The love of someone else will be a pleasure, a bonus, and a gift.

The Last Airbender (Fuck You Shyamalan)

So, The Last Airbender was so fucking bad. Usually I watch my language closer on this and Twitter but uh....

Yeah, it was so fucking bad. First, let's take the casting. I made a blog post about it and I still had my issues. However, the people who boycotted the movie won't know how bad it was unless they see it (well, also if they read my and others' blogs). How can the principle characters in a movie about a show based on MANY eastern cultures be white? How about the extras? There's no excuse to hire almost an exclusively white cast when most of the extras are from another ethnicity. No fucking excuse. Also, the firebenders are based on Japanese people. Making the principle antagonists of the film of Middle Eastern descent is not a good idea, especially in light of our current relationship with that region of the world.

Second, pronunciations. Sah-ka! Not Soh-ka. Aing! Not Awng! Ah-va-tar! Not Aw-va-tar! Fuck you Shyamalan! I saw a commercial for a game based on the movie and they pronounced Aang's name Awng. That was my first sign. No, wait, Shyamalan directing was my first sign. Anyway, I know the show is based on other cultures, but you can't change how things are pronounced in a movie based on the show, whether or not they are western or eastern pronunciations.

Third, Katara, one of my FAVORITE characters and an all around strong female lead... Was little and whiny in this film. She did not measure up to the Katara from the series.

Fourth, Sokka wasn't fucking funny.

Fifth, Shyamalan.

So, along the way I lost my train of thought. It's okay; I'm drowning out the bad movie experience with a beer and the GOOD Avatar: The Last Airbender. Seriously, screw Shyamalan. This movie really is not worth seeing.

Identity

I've recently gone through a pretty big change. My boyfriend and I broke up after a little over a year together. So, I've taken this time to reinvent myself, to change some things. In the midst of my latest revamp, I still have to take time to cope and heal, so I went on a shopping trip. Hello retail therapy. Well, I found a cute pair of glasses at Claire's and couldn't and wouldn't skip the opportunity. I've gotten a lot of compliments and a lot of questions of prescription, but I love them. The only catch is that they don't feel like a true part of my identity.

I think it is something that will come in time. I want them to be a permanent accessory. But when I feel them, see the frames, and look in the mirror, I feel like a different person. So, with the glasses I almost get to pretend, I get to be someone else with different problems and concerns when I have them on. When I take them off, I'm Allen again. All of this, of course, got me thinking about one of the most famous people who could change his identity with just a pair of glasses: Clark Kent.

Of course, we are all like "How the hell does no one notice? All he does is takes his glasses off!" And I think that argument is always going to hold. But think of someone you know who does not wear glasses, jewelry, a uniform and then put these things on them. They, even if for an instant, look like a different person. My customers almost don't recognize me in public because I'm not wearing an apron. This works in the opposite direction as well. Sometimes when we change a physical aspect of someone, we change our perception of that person's identity. Sometimes that person may do the same (I seem to remember an episode of Paranoia Agent where a woman with three distinct personalities all wore different clothes when they surfaced; the idea works in principle).

Maybe the entirety of the DC Universe completely changes their idea of Superman or Clark Kent's idea, though they are one in the same, when he does or does not have glasses on. Maybe Clark is a metaphor for how we can change our own identities by changing our outsides. Put on a pair of glasses, basically something out of your normal, and you can be a different person. Not to escape your reality, for that is impossible. I'm thinking of the much more positive implications of identity changes.

So, until these glasses become a true part of my identity and until I don't need another identity, maybe I'll be Sean. Maybe I'll pretend I'm in another skin and have adventures, because Lord knows I need one.

Racist!

So, is absolutely EVERYTHING racist in some way? If it's a principally black or white cast is THAT racist? If it portrays people in a stereotype is THAT racist?!

People are constantly pointing fingers; THIS is racist! THAT is racist! Sometimes to call something racist you even have to use racist language (ex: me calling the girl cast as Katara a whiny white girl). I'm so tired of this! I'm not even sure it's worth it to be aware of this stuff anymore. When you bring it up some people look at you crazy; some look at you like you should have caught on long ago. Damnit, we need to pick our battles.

We don't have to boycott absolutely everything in order to make racism go away. In fact, boycotting may not even be the key. It may me too late for the older generations to accept and adopt the message of love regardless of the outside (or sometimes inside). But how about teaching our children the difference? How about taking them to see The Last Airbender but at the same time showing them what went wrong with the movie? How about refusing to accept any language that debases another person? How about not using the words honky, cracker, nigger, faggot, chink, dyke, beaner, spick or anything of the like, even as the punchline of a joke? How about that?

We do a lot of raving and ranting about BET and The Last Airbender and how The Real Housewives of ATL are just cancerous sores on what we can call social relations in America. We do a lot of making people feel guilty about watching, supporting, or even thinking certain things. Well, I'm tired of feeling guilty for wanting to see The Last Airbender. Do I even need to feel guilty at all?

I'm picking my battles and choosing to showcase what I want to see in the world in my ways on my terms.

White Guilt

So, I've just been subjected to White Guilt. I'm not even white.

The Last Airbender has caught a lot of flack about its primarily white casting. The firebenders, who are supposed to be closer to Japanese, are cast as Middle Eastern (Indian if I'm not mistaken). Katara is a whiny little white girl. Sokka is Jasper. No, I don't agree with the casting. But, you know what? I'm still going to see the film.

What I'm doing has "sell-out" written all over it. I hate BET and MTV for their stereotypical portrayals of black people and believe they do a grave disservice to the black community. I love Will & Grace but it very stereotypically portrays gay people. Yet, I'm still going to see The Last Airbender.

Why? I've never believed that low-level boycotts do anything. Someone once said we should boycott Cinemark because its theatres wouldn't show Milk and that one of the execs did not support gay marriage. What happened with that? Cinemark is still in business. They don't seem like they're hurting at all. What was supposed to show Cinemark that we aren't going to take this bullshit did nothing to it at all except help it not make (not necessarily lose) thousands of dollars. It's the same with The Last Airbender. M. Night Shyamalan is still going to make money and (probably shitty) movies. Jasper is still Sokka. Katara is still a whiny white girl. And the movie may still mispronounce Aang's name.

I don't believe this boycott is going to get us anywhere. It is not a mounted assault. It is a small group of people, by comparison to the US population, who are upset about the casting who are going to find whatever way possible to not support this movie. They have that right. Still, I utterly refuse to say that I am support institutionalized racism by going to see the movie. We support all kinds of institutional racism, stereotyping, miscasting, misrepresentation, and delusion on a day to day basis. Comics, tv, movies, music, these media outlets ALL showcase some kind of racial or social misrepresentation on a constant basis. Unfortunately, these may be things that change with time and not instantaneously. If I could spur on this change, I'd like to believe I would, but I'm not going to lie in the chance that I don't.

I'm not a sellout. I'm going to see this movie. It's not going to make me any less of a person. Boycotting the movie does not send a message across in small numbers. If I start seeing riots or mass protests, maybe I'll change my mind.

B-Listed

Ms. Marvel,

I found out about you when I first played Marvel Ultimate Alliance, so I'm much behind the curve. However, I fell in love. I have a thing for strong heroines in comics. Or, strong female figures in general. However, as much as I loved you, I found out that, maybe, few others did.

I'm the only one of my friends who openly touts his admiration from you. In fact, I don't really hear many people talk about you at all. Where are you? You're supposed to be such a strong figure, you were figuring things out for yourself. You were going to put yourself at the top of the world. And you did. Then, issue #50 happened.

So, Ms. Marvel is a part of the New Avengers. I'm not sure exactly what this means, but I feel like she got B-Listed. Again. Cap knows her and how good she is, but maybe my adoration of her is getting out of hand and making me a bit presumptuous. I feel like she deserves a spot next to her friend, Jessica Drew, the Spider-Woman. Though she will share a spot with Jessica Jones, whom I am very glad is returning, she, and maybe Jessica Jones, too, deserve a shining spot. And I'm not talking about the potty-mouthed Alias series (though I did like it).

I think Carol deserves her day, much like Spider-Woman did, especially after all that happened to her. Just, when is she going to get it? Is Bendis going to treat her right in New Avengers? Is she going to be the leader and not just second in command?

Cartol, like I said, you deserve your day. So, maybe, we should have a Ms. Marvel day :)

Someday :)

Avengers Day

I've been waiting for this day since I heard about it. I don't even CARE that there's no one to celebrate with me. I love the Avengers (I've done a bit of a Marvel conversion over the past year...) and enjoy the fact that I get a day to celebrate them. However....

I've been upset about the Avengers lineup for quite some time. Ms. Marvel got B-listed (again), something I will address in the next post. Wolverine and Spider-Man are on TWO Avengers teams. Steve Rogers is just.... Well, Steve Rogers. I think Ms. Marvel is and should be treated like an A-lister. I want Steve as Cap. Wolverine and Spider-Man should stay where they belong (with the X-Men and a solo series, respectively). No, I don't like change, and this post proves it. Of course, especially if I choose to continue reading Avengers, I will have to just shut up or not read it. I'm just not sure how all this is going to go.

There was a lot of hype surrounding Avengers Day and the re-launch of Avengers, but I'm just not sure it delivers. Part of the problem is the use of Spidey and Wolvey, two of Marvel's most popular characters. But just because they're popular doesn't mean they should be in EVERYTHING. I honestly get tired of seeing them. I don't even think Spider-Man is that cool...

But, maybe I'll see the Avengers re-launch through, at least the first arc.

Changing the World

I'm upset with a lot of things. Arizona has passed a legislation giving law enforcement the power to make sure citizens have legal identification. A group is Arkansas is trying to get a legislation on the ballot that would prevent illegal immigrants from receiving the benefits of the state, some of which they already don't.

To me, these are massive affronts to the rights of some and eventually the rights of all. I don't mind that illegal immigrants are here (I don't even like saying that) because they aren't affecting me. There may be some ways that they are affecting me, negatively, that I don't know about. But, from the looks of it, I am primarily untouched. So are a lot of people. So why do we care? Why do we care that gays marry? Why do we care that gays can adopt children? Where is this harm that people keep speaking of?

I know that each argument I'm presenting can fall under the "slippery slope" idea. I don't agree with polygamy, but I couldn't tell you why. Does that mean that I should fight against a polygamist's, or polygynist's for that matter, right to marry more than one person if the parties are consenting? If the parties involved are NOT consenting, I see every right to step in. Otherwise, polygamy just won't affect any relationship or marriage I choose to have in the future (crazy scenarios aside).

I'm tired of a lot of things here. I want to be a major impetus to change. I want people to come to me and say that I've changed their lives for the better. However, I also want my motives to be pure. I don't want to change the world just so people will know what I did (though the recognition and attention would be so nice...). I want to change the world to make it better for those who will come after me. THEY are going to inherit this world of ours. We need to make it better for them. Still, I believe that the next generations are going to be capable of so much good, so much positive change. They're the ones who are going to change their mind of how things are going on.

However, they are also capable of so much bad. My idealism cannot hide this from me. Things can become better, or they can become worse than they already are. How are WE going to change them? And what am I going to do? How am I going to be part of what I perceive to be the solution?

No, Really

What am I supposed to blog about anymore?

This started as an attempt to vent my feeling because I felt they had no outlet. I quickly realized that was a baaaad idea. I have so many ideas, though. So much I want to talk about. I want to be noticed. I want my blog to be worth something. What I need to do is get my priorities straight.

What do I want to accomplish? What are my goals? Why do my ideas need to be seen as important? Not really sure. I want to find my niche though.

That being said... I may shift my topic primarily to comics, gay stuff, gay comic stuff, a sounding board for gay nerds EVERYWHERE, or just an online journal. I'm still hashing out all the ideas.

Let's see where this goes.

Dreaming of Superheroics

So, during my afternoon nap, I had a dream. It ensues thusly :D

There's actually a prelude. I'm at a computer and a gentleman I know from high school... Well, this part gets a little raunchy. Anyway, we go to explore the house we're in and he suddenly becomes David Boreanaz. Weird. We're walking down the hall and we start to only see a red light and some metal and I begin to think it looks like Freddy's boiler room place from Nightmare on Elm Street. Eventually we get to a dining room area in a small house where a couple is sitting. For some reason the girl disappears and I instantly know something is up. The man's head starts to melt and I know Freddy's coming, so I blow a hole in his head with telekinesis to make sure Freddy doesn't arrive. By this time, Boreanaz is someone else and is phasing through the floor to check things out when he begins to rise again with Freddy under him. I try to blast Freddy but not no avail.

In the secdond part, I'm going to a party with some friends (only one of whom I have in real life). Things start to get really weird outside. There's a river with things floating in it and it starts to form whirlpools. I stop the whirlpools and try to make another, safer one to gather all the debris and items in one place. Freddy appears, again, and starts hurling things at the window. I try to deflect them to do damage but it doesn't work. Still, he does no damage and the items bounce off a window.

Suddenly, I'm somewhere else with other superhumans, asking for their help. I talk to the leader who agrees to let me stay. Then, I gather some of the psychics, who are all women, there to assess the situation. There are two other psychics, both male and one of whom I'm apparently strongly attracted to. The one I wasn't attracted to, whom I had actually seen before for some reason, agrees to help while the other is reluctant. I look at him and feel... Those warm fuzzies. I end up just grabbing his hand while I telepathically relay the fact that I'm attracted to him to another of the female psychics. We assess what's going on and reach Freddy, who attempts to take control of us. We stop in time for him to fail, but realize he's coming. He lifts the roof off the house and we begin to fire whatever we can at him. I try ripping him apart. It only works for a short time. Eventually, I gather all of those who can harness some kind of energy to help me create a forcefield, which somehow takes the form of aquatic animals. They all surge to Freddy's location and help to weaken him, while someone else resurrects an ancient warrior who succedds in vanquishing Freddy.

Yea, so weird.