Gay

Today, I cried for all the people I know and for the many I don't know who have suffered some kind of injustice or unkindness because they were gay, whether from their parents, friends, government or even complete strangers. Today, I also cried because I am lucky.

I didn't get bullied in high school; I was off the radar. My mom didn't, and still may not, like that I'm gay, but she loves and supports me regardless. There is not a day that I am not thankful for all she has done for me. I haven't lost any friends because I'm gay, and, for the most part, I've had better relationships than worse. I was and am lucky. I don't deal with the same struggles as my brothers and sisters in some nations in Africa or the Middle East, where they could very well forfeit their lives for love of someone of the same sex. I've never been kicked out or abused because I am gay. I am lucky. I am loved. And so is everyone else. So should they be.

There isn't much I can do from this point and position in life besides offer my support. For anyone who has been subject to homophobia or abuse, I am so sorry. I don't think anyone should ever have to endure that just because they like or love someone of the same sex or a different race, religion, ethnicity, etc. But, even if our music and our movies constantly talk of love, our world is not one as full of love as it is of hate and despair. You know what, though? It so could be.

We could create a world where EVERYONE was loved, where we all coexisted and no one had rights taken away except for those who seek to take the rights from others (I'm looking at you, Prop 8 supporters). Being gay would be no different from being straight. Being black, asian, white, hispanic, middle eastern, european, latin would be no different from each other. In fact, none of these things are essentially different (we simply are one, maybe even more, of these things) besides some physical representation, but we treat them as wholly different and unequal.

I've thought of becoming a counselor for gay and lesbian people, adolescents and adults alike. That way, I can leave my mark and change lives in a way that I believe I was made for. I may end up pursuing this endeavor.

Until then, we must all, gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual, and questioning, keep our heads high. The world won't be like this forever. We were chosen to exist here and now for a reason. If not, then I offer an apology for each of your struggles.

Anything Can Change

I cling to the belief that any new person can meet you around any corner, whether he is good or bad. With each new breeze, choice, decision, or moment you can meet someone who will change you life. I use this belief to search for my soulmate, though it is not one of my more healthy beliefs.

It isn't easy to come to terms with feelings of loneliness, let alone make them go away in a healthy manner. When I'm not in a relationship, I'm constantly searching, on the hunt for someone who will make my life just a little bit more worthwhile. The kicker is that, while I feel this is an unhealthy and obsessive behavior, I'm not stupid enough just to jump in bed with any random person to make the loneliness go away. I know what will and won't make me happy. So, the damage is two-fold: I make unhealthy obsessions with likely partners but am not willing to just go along with whatever is thrown my way.

Yes, I believe that anything can change. However, I can also change. I can be happy watching my favorite movies alone or with my roommate or with friends and NOT looking for booty, in simple and almost crude terms. Waiting is worthwhile, it's just also unpleasant. I wish I could take my mind off of it, but it's not easy.

So, what I'm going to do is revel in the feelings I have right now: Of being alone, not lonely, and resting, relaxing, and crying when the best parts of this movie come on.